A … walks into a bar

One of my favourite genre of jokes in English is “A (whatever/whoever) walks into a bar.”

Shakespeare walks into a bar.

The landlord shouts:

Get out!  You’re bard.

A man walks into a bar.  He cries:

Ouch!  That hurt!

It was an iron bar.

My favourite is this one, however.

A dog walks into a bar.  He orders a drink.

A pint of… bitter, please.

Our barman replies:

Hey, that’s amazing.  But why the pause?

Our dog replies:

No idea.  I was just born with them.

Have a bar-vellous day, won’t you!

Our Mother Tongue (4)

Russia has Pushkin.

Germany has Brecht.

France has… I haven’t a clue…

England has Shakespeare.  Shakespeare invented lots of words, eg assassin, bump, even the word “elbow” (cf: German: “Elbogen”).

Take a look at these beauties!

And for a bonus, take a look at these Shakespearean insults, thou curmudgeonly apple-worm!

Have an inventive day, won’t you!



Our Mother Tongue (3)

To you they might seem like mild expletives.  To people in Elizabethan times, they were a lot stronger?

Which words?


  • Blimey – “God blind me!”
  • Crickey – 19th century euphemism for Christ.
  • Zounds – nowadays rhymes with “bounds”, but was originally “God’s wounds” (ie from the nails driven into his body on the cross).
  • Bloody – nothing to do with red (or blue if a royal) liquid: it’s a corruption of “by Our Lady” (ie, the Virgin Mary).

Back in those days of Elizabeth I, religious oaths were considered much stronger and profane than sexual “rude words.”

Have a rude day, won’t you!


Our mother tongue (2)

Australia.  Oz?  What about it?  A land down under.  Who were the Poms?  Some say it was to do with the early settlers being:

  • Prisoners
  • Of
  • Her
  • Majesty

One thing is for sure, they were all transported there by a kangaroo court, one where you were definitely going to be found guilty.  Why “kangaroo”?  Guess what you’ll find in Australia when you arrive in Botany Bay…

Have a g’day, won’t you!

Our mother tongue (1)

So, our beloved mother tongue, post-Norman demotic Anglo-Saxon.  Modern-day British English.  Where do some of the words come from?

Let’s head round about town.  When a village  became a certain size, the residents built a fence round it, to create a town.  What’s the German word for “fence”?

Der Zaun

Do you think that is beyond the pale?

The pale were the city walls (of Dublin, Ireland), somewhat strong than a fence, to protect the citizens from the ruffians outside of it.   Anything that was beyond the pale, out the control of the English, was unacceptable.

Have an acceptable day, won’t you!