We English are a strange bunch. We love understatement.
It’s not really my cup of tea.
(“I can’t stand it at all.”)
I’m not full of joy.
(“I need a ton of Prozac right now.”)
I got a little bit sunburnt today.
(“I have third-degree burns over 80% of my body.”)
Do you want to know if an English person likes you or not? Try this very useful flowchart.
Have you ever experienced a mishap? For example, do you ever want sympathy when your pizza order has been delivered to the wrong address, and Pizzas’R’Us refuse to refund you? Then don’t post the news on Facebook. Your German neighbours will share their sympathy and outrage:
Das ist eine absolute Unverschämtheit! Das geht gar nicht! Was für eine Frechheit!
Your English friends and neighbours will just mock you and troll you for hours and hours. They will:
- Tell you how they really enjoyed eating the pizza Hawaiian and Classico that arrived unexpectedly some thirty minutes ago
- Post sarcastic comments about part-eaten pizzas
- Post photos of part-eaten pizzas
- Crack even more jokes at your expense when you react with anger
Well, it’s Advent now, so here’s a seasonal joke for y’all. Good King Wenceslas walks into Pizzas’R’Us and orders a pizza.
“And how would you like your pizza?”
“Same as ever, please. Deep pan, crisp and even.”
- You will get no sympathy of your English neighbours. None. Zilch. Not a drop.
You will have to either get angry, or just admit defeat and join in with the mocking. The English are best!
Have an English day, won’t you!