Now, two things about this seventies hit.
- It’s a cheesy toe-tapper song.
- What a p0rn ‘tache, though!
Have a cheesy day, won’t you!
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Category Archives: Comedy
Glory to Stalin!
Stalin’s reign.
An old lady gets on a bus in Moscow. She has waited a long time, and sits down with a sigh of relief. “Oh, glory to God!” she exclaims.
The bus driver turns around with a grave look. “Comrade, there is no God. You must say, ‘Glory to Comrade Stalin.'”
The old lady apologizes and pledges to remember this. After a minute, she pipes up, “Comrade, what shall I say, if, heaven forbid, Comrade Stalin should die?”
The bus driver pauses, and answers, “Oh! Then you shall say, ‘Glory to God!'”
Have a glorious day, won’t you!
“No school tomorrow”
“No school tomorrow” is a plea used by young British schoolkids when begging their parents to let them stay up later than usual on a Friday or Saturday night, usually when the parents just want a bit of peace and quiet without their offspring being around.
Because there was no school tomorrow, my parents used to let me stay up on Fridays to watch NTNOCN, Not the Nine O’Clock News. That was forty years ago. Time flies. Even as a young pads brat, I used to love my current affairs, news, history and politics and was very occasionally (school holidays) allowed to watch Question Time.
NTNOCN did a brilliant spoof of QT. Rowan Atkinson (Mr Bean) does a very accurate impression of Lord… Lord er… Lord er… Lord Peter Carrington.
Here it is. Enjoy!
Have a questioning day, won’t you!
A Bonus Soviet Joke
So, a Soviet housewife walks into a shop, sees the empty shelves and says to the shop assistant, “Hmm, I see you have no fish.”
The assistant replies, “No, that is not true. Here, we have no meat: this is the butcher’s. The fish shop opposite is the one that has no fish.”
Photo by rawpixel.com on Pexels.com
Have a plentiful day, won’t you!
Your Semi-Regular Soviet Joke
Brezhnev goes to a milk production factory and asks: “Do you think that you can double the production?”.
The farm manager responds: “yes comrade, we can do that”.
Brezhnev is pleased with the response and decides to push it a little and asks: “How about trebling the production?”
The farm manager responds but this time a little less confident: “Well, yes we can but I fear public may found it a bit watery!”
Photo by freestocks.org on Pexels.com
Have a productive day, won’t you!
The Importance of Punctuality
Sunray was ex-Army. 22 years long. He was never a civilian. He was always ex-Army. Soldiers always arrive on time. Always.
One Sunday Sunray came to visit us. To save money he decided to hitch-hike from Brompton in North Yorkshire to Redcar. He was due to arrive at 11am. We looked out of our living room window. 10:58. He still wasn’t there.
10:59 Sunray appeared. He was walking out of the front door of the house opposite ours.
Ginge in Germany:
Ummm, do you know the people opposite?
Sunray:
No.
G in G:
So, er, what were you doing in their house?
Sunray:
Oh, them. I was running late, so I took a short cut through their house.
G in G:
Sorry, you did what?
Sunray:
Oh aye, I saved myself a couple of minutes by walking through their house to yours.
G in G:
Did anybody see you?
Sunray:
Oh aye. I walked into their back garden, straight through their kitchen, past their dining room, when this couple were having their Sunday dinner, with sprouts, joint of beef and and Yorkshire puds…
G in G:
Well, what did they do when they saw you?
Sunray:
This bloke spat his dinner out and told me to get the f*** out of his house. So I told him cheers, mate, and headed out of the front door. Like I say, I was running late.
I just shook my head.
Have a punctual day, won’t you!
Pet Hate 97: The Copper Chopper Question
What are your pet hates?
- Squeezing the toothpaste tube in the middle?
- Men not putting the toilet seat down for the ladies to use?
- Being called a “translator” when you are, in fact, an interpreter?
- Back-seat drivers telling you how to do your job because their third cousin twice removed showed them how to do it?
Here’s my latest pet hate. To give you some context, I’m a member of several local affairs pages on Facebook thanks to my nomadic life. Most of the posts are along the lines of:
- Can anyone recommend a plumber/cleaning lady/oven cleaning firm round Jonesville?
- What time does … shop close on Sundays?
But you can guarantee that at least once a week some nosey parker/rubbernecker will ask this classic, curtain-twitcher question:
What was the police helicopter doing over Bracknell/Redcar/Crowthorne/Scumbagsville yesterday evening?
Unless it directly affects you, why bother asking on FB? Why not phone up the police public relations office if you are desperate to know?
This morning I saw this excellent tweet by Thames Valley Police in Bracknell in response to the latest “What is the police helicopter doing over Bracknell?” query on Facebook.
Good skills, Thames Valley Police, good skills!
Have an inquisitive day, won’t you!
