Pet hates. I guess we all have them.
- Telling Irish, Scots and Welsh that they are English, it’s the same thing really.
- Squeezing the toothpaste tube in the middle.
- Manspreading on public transport.
I have two pet hates – among many others.
- Having to explain what the film we are watching is all about.
- Having to explain a joke.
“Billy” is a repeat offender. You could be watching a film or DVD with tanks firing their guns, German men in uniform shouting, “Achtung! Achtung! Englischer Schweinhund!” across a battlefield, with Spitfires flying across the air. Thirty minutes into the film, and Billy will ask in all seriousness:
So, er, is this a war film?
(No, it’s Pride and Prejudice with PMT…)
To illustrate point 2, let me tell you a possibly sexist joke.
A successful gynaecologist decides to fulfil his life’s dream: give up medical practice and become a motorcycle mechanic. So he gets out of the medical business and enrolls at a mechanic’s seminar with Harley Davidson.
After many weeks of training comes the final examination, taking apart and then re-assembling a randomly chosen Harley engine, he grabs his tools and sets to work, but soon he gets worried: while he is still working on the valve-covers, everybody else is already busy with removing the cylinder heads.
He falls more and more behind, and as he is just starting to put it all back together, everybody else is already finished. He manages to put the engine back together, barely in time before the exam ends.
Because it took him so much longer than everybody else, he goes straight to the teacher to ask how he performed. “Well,” the teacher says, “out of one hundred possible points you scored 150.” “But how is that possible?” the ex-gynecologist asks.
“Well, it breaks down to this: You get fifty points for correctly taking the engine apart. And you get another fifty points for putting it back together perfectly.” “And what did I get those additional fifty points for?”
“For doing it all through the exhaust.”
But why would a doctor want to take such a huge drop in salary? I don’t understand. Why was his job satisfaction so poor? Did he work in the British NHS? Did he speak to his line manager?
Billy wants to come with me to next week’s English Language Comedy Night in the Altstadt.
You must be joking…
Have an explanatory day, won’t you!