Are you a Nightowl?

Nightowls: a legandary phone-in show on Metro FM Radio in the North-East of England.  I used to listen to it till 0200 Sunday night to Thursday night in sixth-form (Oberstufe) days in the late 1980’s.  Topics were everything from the the usual hang ’em and flog ’em topics of:

  • Bring back capital punishment
  • Send all immigrants back to where they belong
  • Bomb Iran/Iraq/Russia etc

as well as more mundane topics such as:

  • Why are the queues at Boots the chemist so long at lunchtime
  • Why is there so much dog muck in my street
  • Newcastle and Sunderland’s football teams’ performance
  • “The JobCentre has stopped me dole (Harz IV) just because I’ve been working.  I don’t think that’s very fair, like.”

Lots of people in the North-East were addicted to the show, I guess, in the same way that people will tune in to watch X-Factor, Britain’s Got Talent, etc just to see how bad some of the acts auditioning really are – “freak show TV”, if you like.  Think along the lines of the women who used to knit at the base of the guillotine during the French Revolution, and you’ve got the idea.

Maria Alicia was a big fan of the show, night in night out.  As a pensioner, she had no school tomorrow.  Unfortunately for her son, who was undergoing stress having just left the Army after 22 years, and having gone through his second divorce, was trying to sleep in the bedroom next door.  All to no avail.

Luckily that Army train stood son in good stead.  Climb out of bed.  Slowly quietly open Mother’s bedroom door.  Get on hands and knees.  Do the leopard crawl.  Lie on belly.  Stretch hand out to place index finger on the on/off button on the radio alarm clock.  Millimetres away from peace and quiet.

Hey, what the bl00dy hell d’you think you’re doing?

I was about to turn your radio off, Mother.  Your radio was on, and I couldn’t get to sleep.

I was listening to the bloody radio!

But, Mother, you were snoring.

People can snore while awake, can’t they?

Son stands up, admits defeat and heads back into his room, back to bed.

The following morning son headed into the nearest town, 2.75 miles away, and went from shop to shop to buy a pair of earplugs.

Have a peaceful day, won’t you!


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