Wine me, dine me, 419 me…

Well, folks.  Ein Knaller für Euch alle.

For some reason I get lots of 419 fraudsters trying to sell me whizzy business ideas and investment opportunities via Skype.

(What is 419 fraud?

Those who know me, know I like a larf and a joke. I generally like to string these people along by engaging in Skype dialogue with them for as long as I possibly can. So far, 30 minutes is my personal best in wasting their time, telling them that I, too, am a millionaire property developer or have just been left US$250 000 in a close friend’s will (after a most dreadful car crash in London). See this following link for how the real professional wind-up merchants do it. Hats off to you!

These people have doctorates in pranking.

I hereby wish to devise a Prank the 419’ers game.  Points awarded for:

  • Every minute of their time that you waste stringing them along that you are a gullible, leichtgläubig fool, who truly believes he is talking to a general in the US/Canadian/Nigerian army.
  • Getting them to promise that they are/will convert to whatever religion and domination/sect you claim to be.
  • Getting them to email you a photo of themselves with a huge capital P painted on their chest.
  • Calling them your new “elder brother.”
  • Telling them the Lord will bless them abundantly.
  • Confiding that life is lonely as a rich man without a good woman to lavish gifts on.
  • Revealing that you have been trying to find a business partner so you can invest the money left to you in that will.
  • Telling them you feel in your heart, “You are a good man, full of love for his brother man.”
  • Bonus points for getting them to promise that they will keep the secret you are about to tell them.
  • Double bonus points for telling the 419’er you are in fact called Darren, you live with your parents, you are jobless, in debt and just wanted to waste their time for the past 30 minutes while looking through’s website.

Thank you, my dear friends, and now would you like my sort code and bank account details?  I bank with Coutts, the Queen’s bank.


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