First of all, a few facts about me.
- I’m a redhead.
- I live in Germany.
- I’ve a mum.
- I’ve no dad (since 16 January).
- I have my Schatz.
- I have no children (unless there’s some Boris Ginge-in-Germany that I’m not aware of from my year abroad in Russia).
- I believe in the saying, “None of us has been to the North Pole, but we all know it’s pretty freezing there.”
I haven’t read Viz comic for about fifteen years. One of their best comic strips was The Modern Parents. This is the topic of my rant du jour. First of all, have a read of the following snippet.
Before anyone says, “Ah, but you’re not a parent yourself, so how can you have a dig at parents?” please scroll back up to fact 7.
I’m not a parent, but I bump into them and their offspring at church, in cafes, on the tram, in the library and of, course, on Facebook. So, in a way, I see myself as an outside observer. Let me give you a quote.
I aim to be not just their [my sons’] father, but also their best friend.
Those were the exact words of B, an acquaintance of mine, in early 2017, whose sons Whatsapp him about once a month.
And some other quotes, this time from CEB, a former classmate of mine.
So [daughter’s name] and I have just tried out [son’s name]’s pesto crusted salmon as he got all the ingredients a week early. The Asparagus was very tasty, hope he manages as well in his master chef competition. Had to wait till 7 as we had to watch the golden compass for [daughter’s name]’s homework!
Mother’s Day over for me. Well done to [daughter’s name] who cooked smoked salmon and scrambled egg bagels with orange juice and coffee for me, my sister and niece. Soooo impressed at the beautiful prayer she wrote for me for Sunday’s church service. Nine years old, and writing like a theologian.
Etc ad nauseum.
Now clearly, to quote the liturgy, “it is right to give thanks and praise,” but I would question whether putting your children on a pedestal for everything they do, and in such a gushing manner, is really necessary. Imagine if your line manager at work acted in a similar manner…
So proud of Fred for the way he cleaned the toilets at the bus station this morning. Those endless hours of showing him how to mop floors have most definitely not been wasted! Go, Team Toilet!
Astounded at how Julia has made such delicious slices of toast today, using our secret method. Three customers have all taken photos of their toast this morning. Catering Assistant of the Year!
All of these quotes just remind me of Mr “Which Was Nice,” a comedy character from The Fast Show, a hit comedy series from the 1990s.
Is the aim of all these posts to be “two-sheds”: Anything You Can Do, I Con Do Better, as per the song? Is it projection? “Because my offspring are so clever, that is proof that I am clever.”
As for being your sons’/daughters’ best friend, may I, as a mere non-parent, humbly suggest that you leave it to them to decide who will be their best friend, as a refusal can often offend.
(Am I being too harsh?)
Have a praiseworthy day, won’t you!